OOOOOooooooo.....That was not pleasant

Look in the eyes. It's the same expression...
I became properly angry a few minutes ago, and did not enjoy it, i hated it, so much so that i became angrier.
It is of no consequence why i became angry, suffice to say that it was degree-related, but i think it is interesting that the sensation was so abhorrent and so violent, and i was quite surprised by it.
I realise that i am not typically an angry person. Passionate, yes, vocal - with a vengeance! But not angry - i was unable to think to myself that the situation had other layers, that there were reasons behind people's actions, that i should consider the possibility that an individual might be having problems - my mind would have none of it, i was furious at what had happened.

I really don't like that feeling. I can't think properly when it happens, and i can't do anything either. All i do while it remains is stand still, while a battle goes on within me to either poisonously curse those involved, and hold the furious heat close to me, or to let the feelings ebb and push them away.

I feel better at the moment, i am calm again, but it shook me up.
geh.

Oh no you DIDN'T!

WHAT IS GOING ON?????
School of Education ppl at uni have COMPLETELY ALTERED REQUISITES FOR MY COURSE!
A MASSIVE amount of my units may have been rendered useless because someone doesn't want them to count!
YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO SOMEONE MID-DEGREE! I'M GOING TO BE AT UNI FOREVER!

ooooooooooooohhhh striking wrath of alison will be outpoured.
unless of course they say my french units count. then i'll only have to redo maths. which is still nasty, but not as bad as 2 1/2 yrs of my life going up in smoke. just maths is better. Plus today is 25 months with Tom.

Sigh...

Ok. I KNOW this is the way i sometimes portray/present myself (BTW how cool is this dragon!) but BE IT KNOWN to the blogging community, i am actually trying to calm myself down and be a little more...helpful.
I am trying not to rise to the bait anymore, trying not to dominate conversations anymore, trying not to be unhelpfully obnoxious anymore, and trying not to hit anyone anymore.

it is only now that i realise how well i am known for these things, and that makes me really sad.
Most of them are self-explanatory, i spose my cheekiness is one that isn't obvious, but i know that it is unhelpful and unkind, springing from a self-satisfaction i have nurtured and am appalled by.
At this stage I have managed a couple of not-rising-to-the-bait reaction, though i know i failed to do so at least 3 times today, i attempted not to dominate conversation at GAP today, and at Bible study tonight i suceeded - but that was made easy...we were told we had to run through our study quickly to do other church business, a friend warned me that meant i wouldn't be able to talk, and i was so ashamed i didnt speak for a long while.
Being obnoxious is easy, and i haven't managed to avoid that properly. Not hitting anyone...mainly, well, completely, i mean not hitting Tom, nor tickling him. i do that sometimes to make him do what i want. LOL. mainly tickling. i sometimes hit him on the hand if he says something to make me react. this is a cycle i have instigated by reacting.
i have tried not to respond in this way when he's being silly, so far ok, and i have only tickled him once recently, and not upsetting him nor manipulating him. so that's good.

i know it sounds like i'm upset that people won't let me talk, so i won't talk at all, so there!but i have seen negative effects of this behaviour. not much, but enough to make me realise that it actually ISN'T just a fun part of my character, it's an outworking of my own ego. and i cannot stand it. it's disgusting - which sounds like i'm so good for rejecting it - but it is part of ME! i have held onto it, thinking i was clever and funny and right where others were wrong.
it left so little room for respect, love and concern for others. it's got to go, God has shown me that, but as you have seen, it's not a fast process.
i know it sounds extreme, silence is involved in a lot of this process, but it's not believing that my opinion and thoughts don't deserve ANY airtime, it's just that it'll be good for me. i need a clear line to stick to - once i know how to shut up, and am capable of it, i'll be able to speak more wisely.
Obviously i won't be silent all the time coz i do lead a couple of things, but in general, and esp at meetings.

This behaviour isn't self-controlled, nor gentle, nor peaceful, nor patient, nor loving....it has no part with the Spirit in me changing me. i know i won't be able to make myself perfect, that i will not be perfect before the New Creation, but i do know that God changes us, and this is the next thing for me.
Please pray for me and challenge me about how it's going, and at times if i say inappropriate things, let me know.
love, sparkle.

Tee hee, Tom is lovely

2 years. :D

Hurrah! and hmmmm.....

I am halfway thru a great prac. All the teaching stuff we've been told for the past 2 years actually works!
WHO KNEW?!

AND i got my green p's this afternoon...
and i bought shoes that i found out were $20 off as they were scanned.

ummmmmmmm....
and monday is mystery night...can anyone tell me anything good that's in Wynyard?! i must discover this before Tom reveals it! i gotta know!

Sigh. friday nights aren't too cool. i work early tomorrow morning and everyone goes out so i'm alone.
SIGH!

hmmmmmmm...Equip on the 12th of may. Something else on the twelfth of may. yay for something. something is cool. something seemed unlikely, but something will arrive and will be, as usual, very happy.
(believe me, it would be more annoying if i just said it. there was a disturbing photo of me appearing to eat his ear at manda's party in em's photos)

MYC is coming up! Can i hear it for MYC????????
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

might not get any sleep this time. last year i kept going to bed at only late hours. missed all the fun. know better now.

hmmmmmm....lil quiet. lil bored. lil glad prac is over soon, i miss seeing people at uni. people are nice.

night people. take care of your pets.
God loves you :D

Or, to save on postage...

Sigh...i love emperor's new groove so very very much.
today has been very littl..ly interesting...i just sit around the house and pretend to study...i have only two assignments, which is indeed a blessing, and they are...doable. Finding the motivation to stop filling in the edges of research and WRITE SOMETHING DOWN is very like finding the motivation to get up in the morning i.e. it does not exist.

Tom's at work. Poor Tom (no one else gets the thrill of saying that about a real person, when it's also a line from Shakespeare do they. Kate? Kathy? Anybody???)
but he doesn't mind work that much. He's going to call me later on...and i'm going to say its ABC NIGHT! ill call you back!!!
...hmmmm

Is anyone else going to Kyckstart? i'm being a leader - is anyone else being a leader and going this weekend? anyone? at all?

dyed my hair black again. still looks...black. looks a teeny bit wrong. DAMN YOU NICE'N EASY!!!
tho, to be honest, it was rather nice...n' easy. And it'll look convincingly anime. anime characters' hair never looks believable, so this is good.

AND, unsurprisingly, the story i've started writing is going along swimmingly! i'm using it as a study break activity. no prizes for guessing what's flourishing and what's dying. i'm already up to 5 pages!!!
no, you can't read it. it's MINE. my precious.

My room is also still clean. the phenomena are following me around!!

uuuuuuuuummmm...ill go get my quotes.
(near Easter[HAPPY EASTER!] - everyone else is having cake)
me:is everyone too caked up to have hot cross buns?
mum:yes - we'll have them tomorrow
me:what about me?
mum:alright, you can have one...of the crushed ones.

afro-ben: It's always safe to give chocolates to a girl - unless she's lactose-intolerant
me:or allergic to nuts
katherine: yeah, coz then she might die.
a-ben:and that'd be embarrassing

robbo:(near a full bag)whose bag - who shops at jeans west?
jenny: they're science textbooks, don't step on them, or ill hit them...with...you

mel:i dont want to go to the cafe!it stinks!
me:stinks like happiness!
mark: mmm...smells like teen spirit [BONUS POINT!!]
on that happy note, night!spicksnspecks is on!
love, me

I'll turn him into a flea! A harmless little flea...

Reading of the day - 2 Peter 1:4-8...add to your faith goodness; and to goodness , knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control; perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now i KNOW that it's way overquoted and that being glib is easy, but i copied it out for two reasons
a) read the wider bit. it's cool and important.
b) it portrays this whole journey! now this isn't like, the only way to see it, but something cool is that you have faith, then you add goodness, and desire good things, then you desire to know more about God with knowledge, but then instead of being all boastful of how much you know, you are humble and self-controlled about what you say, then you persevere in this, instead of being depressed by our nature to boast, then we pursue godliness as we seek to be like Him, then instead of being isolated from others, we reach out to them in brotherly kindness, and with this increased regard and care we serve others truly, thus loving them!
yay!
hey, i got excited.
OW!SNEEZING IS NOW PAINFUL!!! i got involved in a it's-earth-hour-how-do-we-kill-an-hour madness, and was in a push-ups competition. REAL PUSH-UPS. I DID MANY. NOW I HURT. ppl at work made me laugh, and were thus unkind.
Maybe i should change my butterfly fairy picture to something else, as my hair is now by no stretch of the imagination golden.

ok, the following spiel is probably directed more at the guys i know. or maybe more for their benefit. or just....i don't know. it's silly anyway coz few guys read this blog. to the others not concerned, please just keep what is said in mind. Tom would ask why i care about things that are said sometimes, when they are usually jokes, and even if not, why do i care what people think?
i care what people think. specific people. specific people whose opinions matter to me because they are my friends.
Despite people's impressions (and perhaps my own silliness), people do seem to think I am a witch. Which is to say, i am aware that i seem agressive and rise to the bait OFTEN (even when not baited), but i am getting a little fragile when it is insinuated that i have Tom whipped. even my sister thinks that, though she just thinks that coz she doesn't know how i'm different being 20, not 10. When i was 10 i was very manipulative.
But i would like to think that many of my friendships now are not based on manipulation, that in fact i have many friends who care about me, and know i care about them. that i am somewhat giving, and sympathetic, and that i try to help and listen to others. the operative word being TRY.
By extension, i think i am a similarly caring girlfriend. thus i am no tyrant, i DO NOT BEAT TOM UP, and that i do not think women=good men=bad.
in fact several times i have found myself unable to cope and my head in stupidland, and Tom has been there to pull me through and take the initiative, and lead me.
yeah, you heard me. Lead me. NO , i am not getting ready to pounce for marriage, NO i am not acting married, NO i am not making any sort of value statement as reagrds women and men in society...i don't think i'd be taken seriously in what i say.
Tom is often the strong one. i am blessed with him. i wish people would stop insinuating that i am heartless, cruel, hate him, and push him around...
i actually think he's the most wonderful boy...and i try to take such good care of him...
and i'm not angry and i know i should just laugh at the joke as it was meant but it hurts so much after a while, at some point, when it's such an in-joke, i start to take it seriously and get really worried about how i treat Tom. then i retreat into myself and am scared to do anything coz someone might say something.
Please, please stop saying i control him. please stop saying i beat him. please stop saying i dont listen to him and am cruel and heartless...it's not funny. it's really not funny.

Work was ok today, as i finally went in the right frame of mind, not leaning on my own capacity but trusting in God to sustain me. that doesn't mean that i didn't eat or anything, that would be contrary to the Bible making very clear that the eating process is important, but i didn't depend on myself to survive mentally, and cleared out a lot of the junk going on in my head. some weird stuff is seen at the shops, and sometimes i almost feel judgmental of the people i see, as though i were above them...as though i alone understood the right way to handle life...
But my vision is just as flawed, my heart just as prone to evil, my mind just as warped. Now i can see that better and love people better.

I know how to change a tyre!! i feel such a sense of increased safety on the road...though actually i never had a sense of danger...but no matter, it was a mystery before, but now i am FEARLESS!
till something else goes wrong.

AND i finished an assignment due THURSDAY!record for my uni life! don't worry, i still have 2 french compositions to do.
but i am a little cool.
love from nana

DON'T TELL TOM!!

I am a very naughty girl eating very naughty snacks and drinking very naughty milo...
coz i should be in bed.
But i'm not, so let's get over that.
Yes, i'm procrastinating and at the very least i should be working on my TEP290 presentation, but as i said, i'm not, get over it :P

I HAVE QUOTES!!!
Ignition -
Roxy: in case you were wondering, i value my life

James: i knew a pair of twins, one was left-handed and one was right-handed
Doug: were they naked?
(he had some form of a legitimate reason for asking that)

Me: yeah, coz nothing says fun like quoits!
Pete:except for a person...standing there...saying 'fun'

Tutor(today, during a presentation): come on, hurry up...no, the cockroach, not you.

GAH. i have assignments everywhere. and Tom's birthday is on SATURDAY - HE'LL BE 20!!
crazy, Tom no longer a teenager....

and i haven't finished working on his present.
Come to think of it, i haven't finished ANYTHING cept the assessment for today...and girls bible study...

Sigh.

Who likes my hair? i quite like it actually, gives me more OOMPH!
and as anyone will tell you, a lady could always use more oomph.

night people, sleep tight, hope we're all well, yay HOLIDAYS SOON!!!
x nana
p.s. Tom is so wonderful, he drove me to uni, he stayed around after he was finished, bought me dinner and drove me home!
AND he didn't even freak out when i had a panic attack bout my phone!
BACK OFF LADIES - i saw him first.
well, sorta.
but he's mine now mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

HELLO THERE!!!

oh i am excited about party on saturday.

I SAW WEIRD AL YANKOVIC ON TUESDAY AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!
i ended up sitting in between Tom (on purpose) and my best friend friend Kathy (by a TOTAL fluke) and there was an average comedian and then intermission, then the lights go down

there is silence

then the screen up the front is illuminated with blue


the crowd goes wild

kathy and i: ummm...yeah! we like blue!

brad(next to kathy): TAKE IT OFF!!

then people come out and then WEIRD AL comes out and plays polkarama and it was so exciting to see him...gah! it was fun.
was annoyed at ppl on lower level coz they got all this stuff sprayed all over them, whereas we just got to watch them being sprayed with it.
AND in 'wanna b ur lover' he actually sang to audience members, took their hands, stood over them in the chair in front of them, wiggled his butt at some-
HONESTLY, some people have all the luck!
afterwards i asked tom if he'd mind if weird al had indecently assaulted me and he responded 'only if it was indecently' which leaves too many questions that don't want answers.

it was decently long, his encore was 'albequerque' (i BELIEVE i spelled that right)...which was ...hilarious. like everything else.

it's my new #1 on my concert list. i cannot express it appropriately, nor inappropriately.

and some other QQ's:

CHRIS: (after his depth of ...deepness is questioned) i'm so deep your feet couldn't touch the bottom...of my SOUL!

SURREALIST JOKE (Q:how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Fish)
AMANDA: LOL...wait, that's not a number!

ME: argh! fruit fly! kill it!
TIFF: a drisophilla?
ME: a what?
TIFF: they're really cool to experiment on, coz no-one gives a stuff if they die...

I should go do stuff...see everybody later, enjoy breathing!
xS*

Sigh...uni again....(sighs contentedly)

See, something just feels so right about all of this. i am feeling well, i don't have to go to work for a couple of hours, i painted last night, as well as pruning the garden yesterday, cooking, working for IGNITION!!!!(please go, you know you want to. really. if you say yes now i won't have to mention it again. think seriously before you cast that offer aside) reading the Bible...and just generally having a lovely day. while i yet again had to pay an exorbitant amount for uni books, at least i don't have to worry about it anymore and can set about replenishing the gaping hole in my account.

i have seen the Tea House and am thoroughly impressed. it is UNTHINKABLY clean! and organised...i'd live in the attic if they had one. how awesome would that be?

i am so rapt only having three subjects this semester. you may recall that last semester i was doing 5. this is better.

AND Kathy's 21st is coming up!!!!hurrah!!!go kathy - serious fun ahead...

ok, i have quotes from last monday night:
me: if in doubt - eat it. (yup, you're right, i DO accept NO responsibility for ANYTHING you do after hearing that - PARTICULARLY if you're a CU boy)

Katherine p:and this kid said 'if the church can afford to buy new swings, why can't i just have that whole packet of lollies?' and i said 'just shush'
kate: sit down.
katherine p :go and wash my car.

me: what did you do in NZ??
ben (or george, as we affectionately referred to him last thursday): climbed five mountains...
me: you geography people
ben:geology
me:whatever.

Kate: i have pins and needles.
bec: i'll poke it?
kate:please don't.
bec:with my fork? - it has a bunny rabbit on it!!

Kate: i'm partially moved in
katherine p: then your insanity tolerance level will go woo OOOOOOO
OOOOOW

lol, see?i did it right.
have a fantastic day everybody.
oh, btw - who goes to wednesday, and who goes to thursday, and who wants to be in a skit??
love nana.

hey...does colour work on this thing?

~*~*~

1. Where are you right now? Sitting in front of the ordinateur in the dining room while something bad with ben stiller is on (don't get me wrong, i love some of his films)

2. What are you listening to right now? No music? Well, listen real hard anyway. Well, mum just changed the channel, so West Wing. is better. (is AWESOME!)

3. This yellow is hard to read, can you see anything yellow from where you are? the walls of my house...random stuff on the table behind me.

4. I watched Star Wars (I don't care what anyone says, Star Trek flies in warp circles around them) last night, yes all of them (god what a nerd) ... there should be a question here somewhere ... oh yeah, who, if any is your favorite character? Star wars...well, Leia obviously....but also the TINY BABY EWOK you see in the last film....when C3PO tells the stories...SO CUTE!

5. Speaking of nerdiness, do you have a secret nerdy thing? apart from the fact that i just revealed im on first-name-basis with star wars characters? how about the fact that i enjoy alliteration? and assonance? scared yet?

6. Should I go to bed now? Unfortunately, no. i have to clean the kitchen. Yahoo.

7. What is the most exciting thing to happen this year so far? oohh...i don't know...something that happened in France...or...whatever... ...... ... seeing theatre in france singing loudly in a cathedral with AWESOME accoustics in Nevers arriving HOME and seeing tom again hitting 1yr 9 months with said boy arriving at Christian Union meeting and seeing friends....or..whatever...

8. Are you, if you're in my competition, busy taking lots of good pictures? lots of AWESOME pictures.

9. What are you reading right now, would you recommend it to me? gah, im reading a french book, which i bought coz it was sci-fi and trashy and i just wanted to read in french...and discovered it was NOT brilliant.

10. Can you think of any more questions? Why can't robots clean the kitchen?

11. I'm sorry, I just have to do it, I'm embracing the cliche ... if you were on deserted island and could only have one item what would it be? a mango farm. and a Bible.

12. This is the last question, are you sad? i'm slightly frustrated coz i wanna go to a church in emu plains in the morning with Tom, but i can't get the car and he hasnt responded to my informing him of the fact. but not sad........not a lot.

FYI still painting!
xSparkle

I've been manipulated and i don't like it. Mostly.

why have i been forced to change my blog to....ooh! ooh, look at that! the font! it's all...bigger...and nicer! ooh....ooh, it's all quite nice!
oh. well, that's ok then.
moving on (ahem)

So how is everybody? I'm pretty good actually...slept in, chatted to Tom, read my Bible, painted a picture, watched a dvd and had lunch, then cleaned my room and mended my jeans.
It doesn't SOUND all that glamorous, but it was a lovely day. Sleeping in was lovely, talking to Tom was great, Bible was Hebrews 3 (staying faithful, encouraging one another, being grateful for God's mercy) painting was awesome, and lunch and cleaning and jeans were enjoyable.

See? See my pretty picture? i love my paints...nobody rip off my pretty picture, it's mine, and i like it. looks better in real life anyway.

Anyway, i had a lovely day. My friends Chris and Rowe got married last saturday, was all lovely.
.....don't know what else...

ooh, and i saw Nyssa on monday!yay Nyssa! hmmmm...might put a link to herspace.

Anyway, i simply wanted to draw attention to a day i enjoyed, which happens every now and again, and should get more press.

Lots of love to everybody...yay uni's going back...you miss it...course, you forget about the assignments...

OH! discussion topic - the govt apparently won't comment on earlier sex education in schools, preferring to state that they would simply hope that ppl would wait until they were older and more able to cope with the decision (to have sex). Now, earlier and comprehensive sex education typically responds in ppl waiting longer to lose their virginity and when they do, having safe sex.

I, being a christian, am of course of the opinion that sex is designed for marriage by God, who knows what He's doing, and i am obviously living in such a manner - being unmarried, thus waiting for marriage before having sex.

HOWEVER, am i wrong in thinking that simply sitting there saying 'please...please wait' is a worse idea than saying 'it would be a better idea not to, because God made it this way, but if you will, this is what you need to know...' considering that often in the first case, people are still having sex, but younger and with less reliable information, thus making worse and more dangerous decisions than those who make their choices as a result of the second statement?

while having sex outside of marriage creates so many complications and damages, surely safe sex outside of marriage is preferable, if it must be?

In a sentence, surely it is better to minimise the damage?

what do ppl think?
hah, now i gotcha thinkin'.
love, me

it is too hot in your country...ok, ok, OUR country

tho i love summer, and the speaking of the english so rocks!!!

ok.
in this post alison describes the ppl she hung out with through general descriptions and fun quotes taken out of context.

SO:
there were 8 of us, myself,
ketki
katherine
emma
binafsha
michael
renée
jasmin

katherine, using her eyes, manipulates unsuspecting french men to carry her suitcase for her, which is understandable, seeing as it is twice her own body mass. ketki is far too intelligent, far too fashionable, and far too nice :D and we love her. emma has stepped straight from a historical/musical/comical/tragic/romantic/mystery film, and is anxious to return, preserving her being in the meantime in film by photographing herself. binafsha is quelquefois silent, then bursts out laughing at what she's thinking of...she also can be deadly serious. michael is the poster boy for katmandu, hates boots in any context, and can make presque anyone laugh. ANYONE.renée always has buckets of style and is resilient to the point that it's frightening, yet laughs. lives in elizabeth. selon elle, that says everything. however, i live in Sydney, so that goes over my head. jasmin deals with french people, life, confusing films and everything in between very similarly - calmly, yet watchful for the next opportunity to alert the authorities.

QQ's
CONTEXT:Iced tea in a can
KA:the tea's weird...like watered down
ME:yeah, they do that
KA:(bitterly) Bastards

CONTEXT:None...
KA:You can't give birth when you're dead...or can you?

CONTEXT:Just before leaving one of the few cafes of Vichy
KA:Hmm,but maybe an english guy wouldnt swear
ME:I think they're actually quite fami-
KA:EAT THAT FORSAKEN BROWNIE!!!!

CONTEXT:...self-explanatory...ish
RENEE:lets do something tonight
KA:Lets go get hospitalised...i want a drip!

CONTEXT:photos
EMMA:Yeah, i take photos of myself when i'm bored (takes photo of a sausage)

CONTEXT:conversation about conversations...in french
ME:it's really hard to fake surprise
EM:or interest

CONTEXT:bus trip, and photos
BINAFSHA:B tired, B sleep now. (puts coat over her head)
EM:ok alison, pose: you are a snail(B instantly rips coat off head, then inspects photos)
B:oh, you DO look like a snail!

CONTEXT:em's new hat
ME:Joli chapeau dude
EM:thanks
KETKI:Oh!its a kepi!
EM:ok...yay, i have a kepi
KA:Sounds like a disease

CONTEXT:conversation de host families
KA: She's likes noone lives near here, and im like ok...she's like i am your only friend and im like ok...as long as you feed me...i'm best friends with everyone who feeds me...(shocked)i'm like a dog!

CONTEXT:on bus
ME:Has everyone got their seatbelt on?
B:Yes mum (ok, i know three ppl read that and laughed)
JASMIN:Not me, i'm just a rebel without a cause.

CONTEXT:odd names
JA:I know two brothers that are named Citizen and Wellington...they're really hot tho

CONTEXT:looking up words
KA:Yeah, nuque means nape of the neck
MICHAEL:What?naked men?!

CONTEXT:...french culture conversation...that went on a while
EM:Imagine...mixed french chinese food...stir-fried endive...with cheese...

CONTEXT:australia day evening...after wine...and singing of australian songs...
EM:I'd swear there's a song about koalas

CONTEXT:...bathrooms...
EM:Yeah, anytime you're in trouble, just start kneeing the furniture

yes, i have put in french...its a subtle process...ill have you all speaking french before you know where you are!!!!hahahahahahahaha
"ah ah, en français!"
honhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhon!!!

yeah, kidding, i love english so much.
night all, i am getting more tireder, and i haven't slept much...since sunday...what is it, tuesday?oh...good.
hugs, sparkle*

Sigh...mixed emotions suck

yay, posting from the mije in paris!
ok, there is no way i can sum up everything that has happened in the past month and a half, it's impossible, so much has happened, ive seen so many english...things, spent an awesome Christmas with family ive never met before, had a new years eve that was...well, part of it was great, and part of it id prefer not to recall.
australia day where i am...the others have gone to an australian pub.
i can hear the howls. why am i not with them?
a)its 10 past eleven, and im tired
b)im desperately trying to throw this cold before i get home
c) i have nothing good/pretty to wear, its all skivvies, jeans and ugly yet practical boots, wearing anything more festive would strengthen this cold tenfold( i have like,ONE nice outfit, which im saving for tuesday)
d)im trying to save the money i have left, id prefer not to throw it away on overpriced alcool(everything here is overpriced)
e)id get way too paranoid about security and would try to take care of whatever posessions i take with me, and wouldnt have fun.
f)id be the only one not comfortably tipsy/drunk, and that is rarely ever amusing.

SO IM NOT GOING OUT.
i didnt think id be sad to leave...well, not very sad. but now i can feel the cracks as everyone organises to be able to catch their planes, and i feel sad coz ill miss all these ppl ive spent this month with, theyre all lovely.
and my french is like the bomb now...i mean, never perfect, but who cares!even french people make mistakes, so thats not so serious,and i basically get the hang of whats going on. i wouldnt work in a francophone job, but apart from that, im very comfortable.

but i have to come home. i have to have to have to have to have to have to come home.
i havent been to church this month, which obviously has left a mark, have managed to read Bible and pray...fairly often, when you dont for a few days you realise as soon as you start again why you need to. somehow reading the Bible has the added effect of making me forget all the little things that get to me, all the worries about myself, all my vanity and selfishness, all the things i waste time thinking about just vanish and its such a relief. we praise God everyday, He is good everyday.

and ive missed tom so much...by now it's like i can barely remember some things, but i remember that i forgot them, and that hurts so much more. if i ever come back here, he's coming with me.

I MISS SUMMER.GAH how i miss summer!!!!it was below 4 yesterday...today it wasnt so bad coz i didnt go out much, but there is a reason we're all sick!!
I MISS WARMTH.
and i hate layering up clothes so much. i also hate my coat. it makes me look like a marshmallow, and while it keeps me warm, i do not enjoy permanently looking like a marshmallow.

and i miss my family and everybody.

i get tired a lot here too. the sun isnt up properly until 8-9ish in the morning,and it goes down at 5, so you live it the dark, and it makes me sleepy. getting up is so difficult.

but this was great. specially staying with host families(familles d'accueille...pronounced fam-ie da-kay-ie) who were LOVELY to me,who spoke such little english that i just had to get by, and i did, and they were always there to help...

in short, i was really glad to be here, but im really glad to be going home day after tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day.

damn flights. plz pray for me on the planes. PLZ pray for the ppl on this thing, that they might know Christ...some of them are looking for Him, some aren't, but they all need Him desperately. as we all do.

i miss you all.DOES ANYONE WANT A KEYRING???NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK!!!
of course, would look out for the 'my friend went to france and all i got was this lousy keyring' but i dont think they have them.quel dommage.
YES, there will be more french on this blog from now on. partly coz its in my head and makes up part of my thoughts, like a mechanical arm.
mainly coz itll drive Tom bananas.

miss you all. take care of yourselves, and look both ways crossing the road.
a bientot, hopefully.
Sparkle*
p.s. quotable quotes coming soon!!

NO, I HAVE NO PHOTOS ON THIS POST. MAYBE LATER!

HELLO!
in spite of matt's protests, i will now list all my nte quotes in one post.
hey, am i the only one that wasnt consulted of the blacktown ppl on nte's best quote???

anyway, here we go:
DRIVING TO CANBERRA(present- me, allison, jasmin, sarah, sandy):
allison:i'm using a banana to change gears!
jasmin: oh no, we're all going to die.

allison:hey, look at the gorge...thing...river!
alison:yay for the gorge-thing-river!
jaz:are we there yet?

EXHIBITIONS OF EM'S...EM-NESS:
question: why did you get to bed so late?
em: i was ironing and lost track of time
question(about em's bandaged finger):so, itll be alright?
em:yeah, itll grow back!(noone but kate or i seemed amused...but kate and i were almost suffocating with mirth)
question:how late did you stay up?
em: just until one.

GENERAL CANBERRA STUFF:
alison:you're so evil matt
matt:tell me something i dont know
katherine t: i like frozen peas

matt: i bring joy everywhere

em:there is nothing i'd like better than you to drive over me in your car (NOT ADVISED!)

kate:ok, wake me up when you make a decision
ben+doug: WAKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO-GO!!!

bec:moses supposes his toeses are roses, but moses supposes erroneously (to get bec to write that down, i had to promise to only speak in 'what's up doc?' movie quotes for 5 minutes. i did it, too. EUNICE?there's a person called eunice?!)

jason: advance, ducks!(i have no explanation)

kate:WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!
amanda: i said katus can't take honesty
kate:OH, WELL...that's ok

(a random guy with a movie camera showed up to chat's cafe as we were lining up, and amanda was worried that her nose was red)
kate(trying to make amanda less self-concious):charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs...towards the back)
alison:yeah. and the camera guy just left.

Amanda:this tastes funny
alison:does it taste like poison?
bec:what does poison taste like?
alison:if i knew that, i'd be dead
em:you could be rescued
amanda:STOMACH PUMP!!!

GOING TO BLACKTOWN:
allison:yay!petrol station!now we don't have to stop on the freeway!
alison:with a sign saying 'CU people, pull over, we need to syphon your petrol".

AT BLACKTOWN:
(chris is playing with toys...happily.too happily)
bella:you're enjoying those toys aren't you?
chris: i was deprived as a child.

(after bec, kath, bella and i had REPREATEDLY performed the sheep dance...and been recorded...we were about to leave. we went to lock up...)
matt:no, its ok, mike's over there, behind the screen.
bella:oh...so he's been there the WHOLE time?

(after a good 10-15mins packing away all the cups and plates on the table, and JUST managing to make them fit in the cases...)
jasmin:you know what i just realised? there are still cups on the tables!
alison: -headfloor-

(arriving at the park)
alison:wonderful driving madam!
kate:wonderful navigation!
alison:why thankyou!
bec:it's self-congratulation sunday!
alison:better than nudity thursday
bella:don't wanna know, don't want to kno-ow!

(leaving the park)
katherine:we're going to adrian's. he's a got an Xbox.
bec:does he have a couch?

thankyou all.
go blacktown east pressie!!!!!
~Sparkle*

I AM POWERLESS TO DO ANYTHING BUT POST

IN THE MOMENTS AFTER I LASTED POSTED, I WAS LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS...
I VISITED EM'S (VISIT IT!I COMPEL YOU!!) AS I AM WONT TO DO...
I DISCOVERED A TRULY TERRIBLE TRUTH...

KATUS IS NOT AN AUSTEN FAN, IN FACT SHE DISLIKES AUSTEN'S WRITINGS!

UPON DISCOVERING THIS, I FELT COMMENTING ON EM'S BLOG ABOUT IT WOULD NOT, COULD NOT REGISTER MY EXTREME SHOCK AND HORROR AT MY DISCOVERY (BUT NORMALLY IT COULD, COMMENT ON EM'S BLOG NOW!)

NOR DID I BELIEVE THAT A COMMENT ON KATUSVILLE (A WORTHY PLACE TO VISIT!)COULD PROPERLY REPRESENT THE EFFECTS OF THE REVELATION THAT I HAVE UNDERGONE.

I CANNOT DESCRIBE THE SICK FEELING IN MY STOMACH AT THE THOUGHT THAT KATUS DOES NOT HAVE A SIMPACTICO WITH THOSE OF US WHO LOVE AUSTEN'S WORK.

AUSTEN IS TRULY ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS.
NOT BECAUSE MANY WOULD INCLUDE HER IN A CANON OF LITERARY WORKS, SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE SEEMS TO BE POPULAR WITH PEOPLE WHO ENJOY OLD ENGLISH WORKS,
BUT BECAUSE HER BOOKS ARE FUNNY, INTERESTING AND WORTH THE TIME YOU GIVE THEM, UNLIKE MANY OTHER BOOKS I REFUSE TO MENTION. THE CHARACTERS ARE INTRIGUING, AND I AM HEARTBROKEN TO THINK THAT THE JOY I HAVE RECIEVED FROM READING AUSTEN'S BOOKS IS COMPLETELY DENIED TO KATUS, WHO HAS CUT HERSELF OFF FROM THEM.

PLEASE, ANYONE, EVERYONE, TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM YOURSELF. THEY ARE FASCINATING. NOT CHICK-LIT. EVEN TOM LIKES THEM!

WITH A DUE SENSE OF LOSS AND DOULEUR,
SPARKLE*
p.s. georgette heyer rocks too.

While I'm winning at cards...

well!i think we all know a little more about each other now...don't you feel excited by all the discoveries we've made?
YAAAAAAAAAAY! NTE! woot! I am rather excited, although I should pack this evening...at some point...when i get off the internet....hmmmm...
i helped a friend at church to lead the youth group today..primary years, and it was heaps fun. i got chocolate!
however, i was a little late...she rang me to make sure i was coming, and i had forgotten the time it began...so packed an obliging tom off to the station and drove to church rather quickly.
what an obliging young man he is. we bought mike and maddy's wedding present today and IT TOTALLY ROCKS!
I'M SO SORRY if i didn't mention it in conversation (i forgotted to tell kathy, and she was not impressed) I AM LEAVING THIS COUNTRY ON THE 16 OF DECEMBER, AND AM RETURNING TO MY HOMELAND ON THE 2...8TH(?) OF JANUARY!!
I will miss everyone terribly...as well as english in general...please pray that me and my family will be safe...i get rather stressed overseas...something about vast bodies of water amd customs dividing me from my home...gives me the heebie-jeebies.
HAH!movie quote (i have reviewed this, look it up)
1:excuse me, we bozoes have the people
2:yay!the bozoes have the people!
3:where?
1:up there!don't you just love the people?not a very lively bunch though.
3:do you have any...live people?
1:umm...no.only dead ones.
4:well, after all, if it we had the people, it wouldn't be called 'the wild', would it?
3:wait, you mean like, live in a mudhut, wipe yourself with a leaf kind of wild?
1:who wipes??!!
5:oy vey!
4:oy vey everybody!
6(everyone else): OY VEY!!!
teeeeeeeehhheeeeeeeheeee.
tell me what movie that's from!
tom knows, he had to listen to me reciting it as we walked thru westfield.
I found a pretty picture, and i want you all to see it. i hope you all have fun over the next few days (2-10th), I KNOW I WILL!
oh, and call amanda tanya.
how is everybody???
love, sparkle*

LOL.....i love not being the only one.

Ok, i signed myself as 'sparkle' on Kate's blog (VISIT KATE'S BLOG!I COMPEL YOU!) coz i felt like it, then i thought that'd be a cool nickname, and then i was wondering how to make ppl start calling me sparkle.
i was talking to Becca(becca J, not bec f)and i asked how lame it would be it i asked ppl to call me sparkle.
she responded she's always wanted to be called Red.
and so now at least one person calls me sparkle, and one person calls becca Red.
AND THEN i thought if two incredibly cool ppl such as me and becca have wanted nicknames, then
a) it can't be that lame
and b) other ppl may have looked for nicknames!
SO.
does anyone have a nickname that no-one has had the insight to think of?
anyone at all?
ok, if you, don't, make one up.
....no....don't....you'll be stuck with it.
ALSO i have finished, and it is so cool.but i didn't do much today.
that is not the point.
SOMEONE organise SOMETHING before i go mad, and before NTE.
(if anyone had the gall to say "GO mad?...?" then i shall amend it to GET MAD.)
how is everybody?and why don't i see anyone on msn??
lots of love, sparkle*
:D
p.s. i miss cu...
p.p.s.OH!and Tom is teaching me how to ride a skateboard!!!
i know enought to know that that is hot.
tho i don't have a skateboard myself.
so eventually i'm just going to distract tom and nick off with his
which makes sense coz his is really nice
but i think i'd have a better chance making him put on trousers than i do stealing his skateboard without him noticing.
-a

Yay - mostly other ppl's stuff

lol, i started writing what you say down again.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!

ok, while Chris was writing poetry( ok, serious poetry, very good, well-thought-out,sad poetry, which is actually based on his experience[excellent]but was a little tragic...mainly coz he was a little melancholy) pete, ash, sarah and i kinda went a little crazy with poetry of our own.
well, it would be crazy if it had gone on longer than a verse, but as pete says, when you force poetry like that, you kill it.
pete was insistent we mention a burrito.
we were all insistent everything should rhyme with burrito.
then we looked on the internet for rhyming words.
and came up with:
"You sustain me like a burrito
But give me fever like a mosquito
You're hotter than Danny DeVito
Till now, my life was incognito."
it's very beautiful.

later on we all went into the cafe in our post-CU manner, and many table were pulled together
me: wow, it's like a table farm
jasmine:yeah, like they're multiplying...the tables are having babies!!
....?

yesterday, after maths, before leaving-
tom:i wanna go ho-ome!!
jonno:would you like some cheese to go with your whine??

today, in cafe, during a conversation that would have been scarring if it weren't so damn funny (FYI, dougie has a new way of insulting people, robbo thinks i have an unusual fragrance, jonno is completely au fait with the right comedy, and pete looked on and tuned out...till it was guys vs girls)
doug:how's chaos theory? pretty chaotic?
jonno: rather!!!!

let me find you another nice photo. i like them, and i like mine best.
LOL, oh this isnt quite nice, but it's funny for me, because you have to look at it!!!
i know, i like toying with people, but i haven't hurt anyone!....
oh shush.
this was on schoolies.yay!
big hugs and handshakes to you all.
many cuddle vibes too.
and a duckling. not a duck, they're a little annoying.
-a

me: how was your day? tom:good. well, long and boring

gah! i can never remember qq's anymore!gah!
...sigh...apologies to all who were there on monday and had to watch me and tom being stupid and fighting...lol...ok, when i say fighting, you are all aware what i ACTUALLY mean is tickling him until he starts ignoring me...then some more.
actually, many of you looked quite amused...it wasn't funny according to Tom.
i guess it's kinda easy to be either a)incredibly self-conscious or b)over-reacting and hyperactive when you're being silly, your boyfriend is there, and your friends are watching.
by which i mean, i may have been being stupid coz ppl were watching. which isnt cool coz it's...i don't know, it's like i'm pretending to be me instead of being me. which is stupid, coz real me when im boring is better than fake me trying to make you laugh by annoying my boyfriend.
yay for everyone having photos. my dress was so pretty....my hair less so. still, you all like me.
this week i had:
1xTEP assignment
1xfrench composition
1xspanish speaking test
1xfrench grammar test
and on thursday i have
1xspanish written test
1xfrench comprehension test
THIS WEEK IS SO WRONG!!!

on sunday tom and i will have been going out for 18months, as in a year and a half...
that's just...odd.
i REALLY thought i was much more annoying than that.
oh, and matt's photos of mike&maddy's engagement night misrepresent, i like tom being weird, it's who he is.

things are FINALLY coming together for my trip to england, then france. ça me fait peur, car je suis toujours un peu inquiet, dans un pays etrangere, mais j'espere que cette fois je vais m'amuser sans cette anxiete. mais, en meme temps, je suis toujours inquiets, et il faut que j'aie plus de confiance en Christ, qu'Il va s'en occupe.

lol...no, it really isnt worth translating.
but i will be away most of dec and jan, hopefully NTE will be good. i think its too late to call them and say i accidentally enrolled myself in the OT thing, which is for 2nd time ppl, instead of the 1st. will it make a horrible difference???

here is a photo of the view behind tom's Nana Glen's house. i took this photo. it is very beautiful and calming. i miss Peel. no mobile reception....sigh...was wonderful
love from me*