HaHaHAAAAAAAA!!!!

new, labor government!
old nasty cruel ruined desperate harmful government with THAT MAN (who may be a wonderful parent, but he wasn't hired for that) GONE!!!!!!!
might be able to respect my government for awhile - -GASP-!
..........................serene...................
-*a
ps yes, whatever, i know none will be perfect, but i don't care, just as long as the one which has caused me and so many so much pain is gone, with their horrible words that they made me hear over and over again.
*

me and another

Taking advantage of the FEW people who check blogs anymore (facebook is fun, but it is no excuse not to check blogs!!!...although i hadn't checked several for some time before a few minutes ago) i will post about...
relationships.
go on, swap blogs now, this is probably EXACTLY the sort of blog you would rather avoid, yes, i am talking boy-girl relationships which are not limited to friendship.

sigh.

i said i was taking advantage of the ppl who still check, sorry people, it's not your fault, it's just the odd mood i am in, as a result of the chocolate i just finished, the assignment i haven't finished, and the french pop i am listening to.

i just want to express something.
nothing terribly remarkable, and i will take EVERY precaution possible to edit out mush.

first, i must say, they take work like you never see in disney movies. they take real work and sacrifice and ...giving up of things. i know you know this, but this is me expressing, not educating. but i just find it odd that in a relationship of this category i have to confront so many things about myself i somehow never came across in my other relationships.
or perhaps, not to this degree. some things about myself (selfishness, manipulation, self-righteousness, grudging, vengefulness) have shown themselves to a degree, esp when i was little, and no doubt some of my friends have some idea of them.

but i am older now and spend much less time with my family than i did when i was 10, and now it is surprising to come face-to-face with yourself, or yourself reflected in someone else's eyes.
not that tom tells me things about myself the whole time, along with my other brothers in Christ he supports me and rebukes me, but it's when i see the results of my less godly actions, that confrontation of self and selfishness happen. my friends see my actions, but i think we make more of an effort with friends than people that are around the way a boyfriend might be. and what is more, a friend will not have quite the same reactions a...(insert appropriate noun here) might - if i'm being stupid and unkind, friends will see, be sad, but live on. tom of course will live on, but i could hurt him in a way that hurts me very much.

there is no requisite here to make sense.

another thing that is making its impression in my head is how emotions are made into idols in the world, in relationships, and yet so often they are what needs to be cast off. i am so often subject to wanting to be angry, wanting to be all...clingy, and in my head it makes sense, i can perfectly reason it out, but i know it to be selfishness, not allowing into my heart the knowledge that being right or being angry does not mean you have the solution, or deserve to be obeyed, and that feeling clingy doesn't mean you own someone, that you have God, who is yours, and you are His, and anyone else is not yours, and you cannot make them so.

don't freak out, i'm not talking about stuff i need to work through with tom, i'm just thinking electronically.

in short, the world doesn't have a clue what love looks like. the ultimate expression of love was someone DYING and giving, not someone recieving chocolate, jewellery, or having someone else follow them around doing whatever they say.

and it can be hard when the world TRAINS you to act how it wants you to. TRAINS you to try and take whatever you can, and not let go, except to take more.

yeah. one thing i am learning is to give up what i want for a person, for what they want. it's easier with Jesus (though not 'easy' in itself) because He is perfect and i can trust Him...mostly, and i know that He has a plan which is perfect, and He is in control. but giving up things for another, imperfect person, who might not deserve it, who might not be stunning like in the movies, who might be as real and flawed and annoying as me, who is as lost as me?
dude. not easy.
but an important step is, to paraphrase tom (who i'm pretty sure was paraphrasing God) to remember that we are all sinful, and are all forgiven before God.
deep, man. deep.
xa

Actually, ew, no, THIS is how i look:

Ok, i have TOTALLY done my homework already. Kinda

Free California Dating

eheheheheh.

I Scored a 100%!

Meet California Singles

ohohohohohoh

so how's it going?
i would like to register my annoyance at trilogies where the first story ends properly, and the second simply ends with '....yeah, read the next book, i couldn't be stuffed writing THREE endings!!!'
gah.
annoying, especially when you really really really wanted an ending...and a good one.

i had a party.

i am now very rich and much prettier.

heheheh.

i look like this



Kidding!


ttfn.

Can I be forgiven?

I have joined facebook...

100....?

According to the system, this is my 100th post.
feels like my 1000th.
anyway,
it is me, again, speaking, and so on.


the photo makes me laugh, and so shall it make you laugh.
sigh...sad state of affairs when what looks like tom's murderous tendancies are all that can amuse me.
like today - brett was ranting, and i felt so much better once he had.
OH! OH!
AWKWARD TURTLE!!!!
made with turtle hand gesture. go forth and spread it - i love the awkward turtle!

and the moon turned a different colour. big whoop (LOL AHHH...MAKING PEOPLE ANGRY.... :D)
i think i need more hugs. i hereby give my decree that i need more hugs.
probably from girls tho...guy hugs are too political (heeehee, follow that line of thought!)
anyone got any good ideas for a memory verse youth group game? - high school ag, i know, its old for a memory verse, but it's worked well so far.

danke shön,
her imperial majesty, alison janet

this is Rory, the Royal Persian Angora Chinchilla. How cute is he?!

MYC HIGH-FIVE!!!

teeheehee, aren't we beautiful people...
oh shut up - you smell.
lol. It rocked, it went too fast, and it encouraged me a great deal, as well as providing me with even MORE friends!!!!
love it.
-a

Dizzy

I have the flu. I hate the flu. Everything looks like this, and i'm too heavy, and i'm overheated, and i can't breathe through my throat, and my stomach likes to keep me guessing - does it hurt because i only ate a little, or does it hurt because i ate?
not to mention the immense amount of frustration i get from...everything.
gggrrr.
a.

TOM POSTED ON HIS BLOG!

Seriously. That's all i'm here to say.
Oh, and i'm feeling a lot better, i've been better informed about degree stuff, and i had my last ever french exam today, and it wasn't a total catastrophe.
See, i even found you all a calming soothing picture to show you how calm and soothed i am!
Hugs for all, sparkle*

OOOOOooooooo.....That was not pleasant

Look in the eyes. It's the same expression...
I became properly angry a few minutes ago, and did not enjoy it, i hated it, so much so that i became angrier.
It is of no consequence why i became angry, suffice to say that it was degree-related, but i think it is interesting that the sensation was so abhorrent and so violent, and i was quite surprised by it.
I realise that i am not typically an angry person. Passionate, yes, vocal - with a vengeance! But not angry - i was unable to think to myself that the situation had other layers, that there were reasons behind people's actions, that i should consider the possibility that an individual might be having problems - my mind would have none of it, i was furious at what had happened.

I really don't like that feeling. I can't think properly when it happens, and i can't do anything either. All i do while it remains is stand still, while a battle goes on within me to either poisonously curse those involved, and hold the furious heat close to me, or to let the feelings ebb and push them away.

I feel better at the moment, i am calm again, but it shook me up.
geh.

Oh no you DIDN'T!

WHAT IS GOING ON?????
School of Education ppl at uni have COMPLETELY ALTERED REQUISITES FOR MY COURSE!
A MASSIVE amount of my units may have been rendered useless because someone doesn't want them to count!
YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO SOMEONE MID-DEGREE! I'M GOING TO BE AT UNI FOREVER!

ooooooooooooohhhh striking wrath of alison will be outpoured.
unless of course they say my french units count. then i'll only have to redo maths. which is still nasty, but not as bad as 2 1/2 yrs of my life going up in smoke. just maths is better. Plus today is 25 months with Tom.

Sigh...

Ok. I KNOW this is the way i sometimes portray/present myself (BTW how cool is this dragon!) but BE IT KNOWN to the blogging community, i am actually trying to calm myself down and be a little more...helpful.
I am trying not to rise to the bait anymore, trying not to dominate conversations anymore, trying not to be unhelpfully obnoxious anymore, and trying not to hit anyone anymore.

it is only now that i realise how well i am known for these things, and that makes me really sad.
Most of them are self-explanatory, i spose my cheekiness is one that isn't obvious, but i know that it is unhelpful and unkind, springing from a self-satisfaction i have nurtured and am appalled by.
At this stage I have managed a couple of not-rising-to-the-bait reaction, though i know i failed to do so at least 3 times today, i attempted not to dominate conversation at GAP today, and at Bible study tonight i suceeded - but that was made easy...we were told we had to run through our study quickly to do other church business, a friend warned me that meant i wouldn't be able to talk, and i was so ashamed i didnt speak for a long while.
Being obnoxious is easy, and i haven't managed to avoid that properly. Not hitting anyone...mainly, well, completely, i mean not hitting Tom, nor tickling him. i do that sometimes to make him do what i want. LOL. mainly tickling. i sometimes hit him on the hand if he says something to make me react. this is a cycle i have instigated by reacting.
i have tried not to respond in this way when he's being silly, so far ok, and i have only tickled him once recently, and not upsetting him nor manipulating him. so that's good.

i know it sounds like i'm upset that people won't let me talk, so i won't talk at all, so there!but i have seen negative effects of this behaviour. not much, but enough to make me realise that it actually ISN'T just a fun part of my character, it's an outworking of my own ego. and i cannot stand it. it's disgusting - which sounds like i'm so good for rejecting it - but it is part of ME! i have held onto it, thinking i was clever and funny and right where others were wrong.
it left so little room for respect, love and concern for others. it's got to go, God has shown me that, but as you have seen, it's not a fast process.
i know it sounds extreme, silence is involved in a lot of this process, but it's not believing that my opinion and thoughts don't deserve ANY airtime, it's just that it'll be good for me. i need a clear line to stick to - once i know how to shut up, and am capable of it, i'll be able to speak more wisely.
Obviously i won't be silent all the time coz i do lead a couple of things, but in general, and esp at meetings.

This behaviour isn't self-controlled, nor gentle, nor peaceful, nor patient, nor loving....it has no part with the Spirit in me changing me. i know i won't be able to make myself perfect, that i will not be perfect before the New Creation, but i do know that God changes us, and this is the next thing for me.
Please pray for me and challenge me about how it's going, and at times if i say inappropriate things, let me know.
love, sparkle.

Tee hee, Tom is lovely

2 years. :D

Hurrah! and hmmmm.....

I am halfway thru a great prac. All the teaching stuff we've been told for the past 2 years actually works!
WHO KNEW?!

AND i got my green p's this afternoon...
and i bought shoes that i found out were $20 off as they were scanned.

ummmmmmmm....
and monday is mystery night...can anyone tell me anything good that's in Wynyard?! i must discover this before Tom reveals it! i gotta know!

Sigh. friday nights aren't too cool. i work early tomorrow morning and everyone goes out so i'm alone.
SIGH!

hmmmmmmm...Equip on the 12th of may. Something else on the twelfth of may. yay for something. something is cool. something seemed unlikely, but something will arrive and will be, as usual, very happy.
(believe me, it would be more annoying if i just said it. there was a disturbing photo of me appearing to eat his ear at manda's party in em's photos)

MYC is coming up! Can i hear it for MYC????????
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

might not get any sleep this time. last year i kept going to bed at only late hours. missed all the fun. know better now.

hmmmmmm....lil quiet. lil bored. lil glad prac is over soon, i miss seeing people at uni. people are nice.

night people. take care of your pets.
God loves you :D

Or, to save on postage...

Sigh...i love emperor's new groove so very very much.
today has been very littl..ly interesting...i just sit around the house and pretend to study...i have only two assignments, which is indeed a blessing, and they are...doable. Finding the motivation to stop filling in the edges of research and WRITE SOMETHING DOWN is very like finding the motivation to get up in the morning i.e. it does not exist.

Tom's at work. Poor Tom (no one else gets the thrill of saying that about a real person, when it's also a line from Shakespeare do they. Kate? Kathy? Anybody???)
but he doesn't mind work that much. He's going to call me later on...and i'm going to say its ABC NIGHT! ill call you back!!!
...hmmmm

Is anyone else going to Kyckstart? i'm being a leader - is anyone else being a leader and going this weekend? anyone? at all?

dyed my hair black again. still looks...black. looks a teeny bit wrong. DAMN YOU NICE'N EASY!!!
tho, to be honest, it was rather nice...n' easy. And it'll look convincingly anime. anime characters' hair never looks believable, so this is good.

AND, unsurprisingly, the story i've started writing is going along swimmingly! i'm using it as a study break activity. no prizes for guessing what's flourishing and what's dying. i'm already up to 5 pages!!!
no, you can't read it. it's MINE. my precious.

My room is also still clean. the phenomena are following me around!!

uuuuuuuuummmm...ill go get my quotes.
(near Easter[HAPPY EASTER!] - everyone else is having cake)
me:is everyone too caked up to have hot cross buns?
mum:yes - we'll have them tomorrow
me:what about me?
mum:alright, you can have one...of the crushed ones.

afro-ben: It's always safe to give chocolates to a girl - unless she's lactose-intolerant
me:or allergic to nuts
katherine: yeah, coz then she might die.
a-ben:and that'd be embarrassing

robbo:(near a full bag)whose bag - who shops at jeans west?
jenny: they're science textbooks, don't step on them, or ill hit them...with...you

mel:i dont want to go to the cafe!it stinks!
me:stinks like happiness!
mark: mmm...smells like teen spirit [BONUS POINT!!]
on that happy note, night!spicksnspecks is on!
love, me

I'll turn him into a flea! A harmless little flea...

Reading of the day - 2 Peter 1:4-8...add to your faith goodness; and to goodness , knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control; perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now i KNOW that it's way overquoted and that being glib is easy, but i copied it out for two reasons
a) read the wider bit. it's cool and important.
b) it portrays this whole journey! now this isn't like, the only way to see it, but something cool is that you have faith, then you add goodness, and desire good things, then you desire to know more about God with knowledge, but then instead of being all boastful of how much you know, you are humble and self-controlled about what you say, then you persevere in this, instead of being depressed by our nature to boast, then we pursue godliness as we seek to be like Him, then instead of being isolated from others, we reach out to them in brotherly kindness, and with this increased regard and care we serve others truly, thus loving them!
yay!
hey, i got excited.
OW!SNEEZING IS NOW PAINFUL!!! i got involved in a it's-earth-hour-how-do-we-kill-an-hour madness, and was in a push-ups competition. REAL PUSH-UPS. I DID MANY. NOW I HURT. ppl at work made me laugh, and were thus unkind.
Maybe i should change my butterfly fairy picture to something else, as my hair is now by no stretch of the imagination golden.

ok, the following spiel is probably directed more at the guys i know. or maybe more for their benefit. or just....i don't know. it's silly anyway coz few guys read this blog. to the others not concerned, please just keep what is said in mind. Tom would ask why i care about things that are said sometimes, when they are usually jokes, and even if not, why do i care what people think?
i care what people think. specific people. specific people whose opinions matter to me because they are my friends.
Despite people's impressions (and perhaps my own silliness), people do seem to think I am a witch. Which is to say, i am aware that i seem agressive and rise to the bait OFTEN (even when not baited), but i am getting a little fragile when it is insinuated that i have Tom whipped. even my sister thinks that, though she just thinks that coz she doesn't know how i'm different being 20, not 10. When i was 10 i was very manipulative.
But i would like to think that many of my friendships now are not based on manipulation, that in fact i have many friends who care about me, and know i care about them. that i am somewhat giving, and sympathetic, and that i try to help and listen to others. the operative word being TRY.
By extension, i think i am a similarly caring girlfriend. thus i am no tyrant, i DO NOT BEAT TOM UP, and that i do not think women=good men=bad.
in fact several times i have found myself unable to cope and my head in stupidland, and Tom has been there to pull me through and take the initiative, and lead me.
yeah, you heard me. Lead me. NO , i am not getting ready to pounce for marriage, NO i am not acting married, NO i am not making any sort of value statement as reagrds women and men in society...i don't think i'd be taken seriously in what i say.
Tom is often the strong one. i am blessed with him. i wish people would stop insinuating that i am heartless, cruel, hate him, and push him around...
i actually think he's the most wonderful boy...and i try to take such good care of him...
and i'm not angry and i know i should just laugh at the joke as it was meant but it hurts so much after a while, at some point, when it's such an in-joke, i start to take it seriously and get really worried about how i treat Tom. then i retreat into myself and am scared to do anything coz someone might say something.
Please, please stop saying i control him. please stop saying i beat him. please stop saying i dont listen to him and am cruel and heartless...it's not funny. it's really not funny.

Work was ok today, as i finally went in the right frame of mind, not leaning on my own capacity but trusting in God to sustain me. that doesn't mean that i didn't eat or anything, that would be contrary to the Bible making very clear that the eating process is important, but i didn't depend on myself to survive mentally, and cleared out a lot of the junk going on in my head. some weird stuff is seen at the shops, and sometimes i almost feel judgmental of the people i see, as though i were above them...as though i alone understood the right way to handle life...
But my vision is just as flawed, my heart just as prone to evil, my mind just as warped. Now i can see that better and love people better.

I know how to change a tyre!! i feel such a sense of increased safety on the road...though actually i never had a sense of danger...but no matter, it was a mystery before, but now i am FEARLESS!
till something else goes wrong.

AND i finished an assignment due THURSDAY!record for my uni life! don't worry, i still have 2 french compositions to do.
but i am a little cool.
love from nana

DON'T TELL TOM!!

I am a very naughty girl eating very naughty snacks and drinking very naughty milo...
coz i should be in bed.
But i'm not, so let's get over that.
Yes, i'm procrastinating and at the very least i should be working on my TEP290 presentation, but as i said, i'm not, get over it :P

I HAVE QUOTES!!!
Ignition -
Roxy: in case you were wondering, i value my life

James: i knew a pair of twins, one was left-handed and one was right-handed
Doug: were they naked?
(he had some form of a legitimate reason for asking that)

Me: yeah, coz nothing says fun like quoits!
Pete:except for a person...standing there...saying 'fun'

Tutor(today, during a presentation): come on, hurry up...no, the cockroach, not you.

GAH. i have assignments everywhere. and Tom's birthday is on SATURDAY - HE'LL BE 20!!
crazy, Tom no longer a teenager....

and i haven't finished working on his present.
Come to think of it, i haven't finished ANYTHING cept the assessment for today...and girls bible study...

Sigh.

Who likes my hair? i quite like it actually, gives me more OOMPH!
and as anyone will tell you, a lady could always use more oomph.

night people, sleep tight, hope we're all well, yay HOLIDAYS SOON!!!
x nana
p.s. Tom is so wonderful, he drove me to uni, he stayed around after he was finished, bought me dinner and drove me home!
AND he didn't even freak out when i had a panic attack bout my phone!
BACK OFF LADIES - i saw him first.
well, sorta.
but he's mine now mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

HELLO THERE!!!

oh i am excited about party on saturday.

I SAW WEIRD AL YANKOVIC ON TUESDAY AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!
i ended up sitting in between Tom (on purpose) and my best friend friend Kathy (by a TOTAL fluke) and there was an average comedian and then intermission, then the lights go down

there is silence

then the screen up the front is illuminated with blue


the crowd goes wild

kathy and i: ummm...yeah! we like blue!

brad(next to kathy): TAKE IT OFF!!

then people come out and then WEIRD AL comes out and plays polkarama and it was so exciting to see him...gah! it was fun.
was annoyed at ppl on lower level coz they got all this stuff sprayed all over them, whereas we just got to watch them being sprayed with it.
AND in 'wanna b ur lover' he actually sang to audience members, took their hands, stood over them in the chair in front of them, wiggled his butt at some-
HONESTLY, some people have all the luck!
afterwards i asked tom if he'd mind if weird al had indecently assaulted me and he responded 'only if it was indecently' which leaves too many questions that don't want answers.

it was decently long, his encore was 'albequerque' (i BELIEVE i spelled that right)...which was ...hilarious. like everything else.

it's my new #1 on my concert list. i cannot express it appropriately, nor inappropriately.

and some other QQ's:

CHRIS: (after his depth of ...deepness is questioned) i'm so deep your feet couldn't touch the bottom...of my SOUL!

SURREALIST JOKE (Q:how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Fish)
AMANDA: LOL...wait, that's not a number!

ME: argh! fruit fly! kill it!
TIFF: a drisophilla?
ME: a what?
TIFF: they're really cool to experiment on, coz no-one gives a stuff if they die...

I should go do stuff...see everybody later, enjoy breathing!
xS*

Sigh...uni again....(sighs contentedly)

See, something just feels so right about all of this. i am feeling well, i don't have to go to work for a couple of hours, i painted last night, as well as pruning the garden yesterday, cooking, working for IGNITION!!!!(please go, you know you want to. really. if you say yes now i won't have to mention it again. think seriously before you cast that offer aside) reading the Bible...and just generally having a lovely day. while i yet again had to pay an exorbitant amount for uni books, at least i don't have to worry about it anymore and can set about replenishing the gaping hole in my account.

i have seen the Tea House and am thoroughly impressed. it is UNTHINKABLY clean! and organised...i'd live in the attic if they had one. how awesome would that be?

i am so rapt only having three subjects this semester. you may recall that last semester i was doing 5. this is better.

AND Kathy's 21st is coming up!!!!hurrah!!!go kathy - serious fun ahead...

ok, i have quotes from last monday night:
me: if in doubt - eat it. (yup, you're right, i DO accept NO responsibility for ANYTHING you do after hearing that - PARTICULARLY if you're a CU boy)

Katherine p:and this kid said 'if the church can afford to buy new swings, why can't i just have that whole packet of lollies?' and i said 'just shush'
kate: sit down.
katherine p :go and wash my car.

me: what did you do in NZ??
ben (or george, as we affectionately referred to him last thursday): climbed five mountains...
me: you geography people
ben:geology
me:whatever.

Kate: i have pins and needles.
bec: i'll poke it?
kate:please don't.
bec:with my fork? - it has a bunny rabbit on it!!

Kate: i'm partially moved in
katherine p: then your insanity tolerance level will go woo OOOOOOO
OOOOOW

lol, see?i did it right.
have a fantastic day everybody.
oh, btw - who goes to wednesday, and who goes to thursday, and who wants to be in a skit??
love nana.

hey...does colour work on this thing?

~*~*~

1. Where are you right now? Sitting in front of the ordinateur in the dining room while something bad with ben stiller is on (don't get me wrong, i love some of his films)

2. What are you listening to right now? No music? Well, listen real hard anyway. Well, mum just changed the channel, so West Wing. is better. (is AWESOME!)

3. This yellow is hard to read, can you see anything yellow from where you are? the walls of my house...random stuff on the table behind me.

4. I watched Star Wars (I don't care what anyone says, Star Trek flies in warp circles around them) last night, yes all of them (god what a nerd) ... there should be a question here somewhere ... oh yeah, who, if any is your favorite character? Star wars...well, Leia obviously....but also the TINY BABY EWOK you see in the last film....when C3PO tells the stories...SO CUTE!

5. Speaking of nerdiness, do you have a secret nerdy thing? apart from the fact that i just revealed im on first-name-basis with star wars characters? how about the fact that i enjoy alliteration? and assonance? scared yet?

6. Should I go to bed now? Unfortunately, no. i have to clean the kitchen. Yahoo.

7. What is the most exciting thing to happen this year so far? oohh...i don't know...something that happened in France...or...whatever... ...... ... seeing theatre in france singing loudly in a cathedral with AWESOME accoustics in Nevers arriving HOME and seeing tom again hitting 1yr 9 months with said boy arriving at Christian Union meeting and seeing friends....or..whatever...

8. Are you, if you're in my competition, busy taking lots of good pictures? lots of AWESOME pictures.

9. What are you reading right now, would you recommend it to me? gah, im reading a french book, which i bought coz it was sci-fi and trashy and i just wanted to read in french...and discovered it was NOT brilliant.

10. Can you think of any more questions? Why can't robots clean the kitchen?

11. I'm sorry, I just have to do it, I'm embracing the cliche ... if you were on deserted island and could only have one item what would it be? a mango farm. and a Bible.

12. This is the last question, are you sad? i'm slightly frustrated coz i wanna go to a church in emu plains in the morning with Tom, but i can't get the car and he hasnt responded to my informing him of the fact. but not sad........not a lot.

FYI still painting!
xSparkle