I had to tell you...

It has been a time of priceless quotes:

At a youth leaders' meeting:
Chris: is there a reason we can't use playdough?
murray:there's some up there i think?
dave:doesn't that tick the lame box?

and later -
murray: ok, so we're not doing memory verse
chris:i'm down with that
dave: jiggy.

and moments ago with my sister...

meredith:(objecting to a children's book that used rhyming nonsense words) No! it has to mean something! like in wizard of oz, when they say "oh..what'll you do if they come after you?" "I'll...kick 'em in the groin!" But it rhymes!'

that is all.
a*

Post with a purpose

GAH! NO-ONE POSTS ANYMORE EXCEPT KATE!!!!! GO KATE:D
heheh, i smiled while yelling. try THAT one.

THIS ENTRY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE THE 11TH OF DECEMBER. SORRY. OH, AND BY THE WAY...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!
(sigh, i realise i've been waiting to scream and dance about this. who knew i needed to do it in hyperspace. maybe there i can jump higher...)
HELLO EVERYBODY AND WELCOME TO ALISON'S ENGAGED EXCITEMENT HAPPY JOY SONG!
(i recently came back from beach mission, i have been catching up on sleep, and i am well, though my left ear does not appear to be functioning as desired)

Tom proposed to me on the same bus route that he had asked me out on, in very nearly the same format he asked me out in, ie he used post-it notes to draw my attention to his train of thought, and then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

my ring is at the shop getting re-sized. i have thin fingers. i do hope it doesn't suffer.

it is so strange, so much needs to be done, and each time i have no idea how to do it, because i've never been engaged before, which is a common experience. engagement party looks to be the 19th of april...i think...
TOM AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED ON THE 10TH OF JANUARY NEXT YEAR!

I am very happy. life is obviously not perfect, as this world is covered in sin, and i still yearn more than anything for the return of my Saviour, and tom and i still get annoyed at each other from time to time (beach mission is a fatiguing place), but i am happy to be making this decision. i think i knew i was heading for it, knew it was in some sense likely, but now it's here it's quite startling.
while it is scary, i take time to reflect that it's not the wedding or the decorations that need to concern me - this is a decision to live with him, be with him, have him around permanently.
obviously that's not all marriage is, but it sounds quite nice.

he seems kinda happy too. :D

i've prayed that if this is God's will, it will happen, and if it isn't, it won't. tom and i have, only because of God's Holy Spirit, sought to make sure that our relationship is centred on God, and only in Him are we secure. that our combined lives will find meaning not in one another but in Him. that our love for one another is not in itself the key, but the love that flows from Him.

i've read in a christian book recently - once you're married, that man instantly becomes Mr Right.

i know tom isn't perfect, but i love him, and once we're married, i know and pray that the Holy Spirit will strengthen me to keep loving him, for the rest of this life.

xa*

HaHaHAAAAAAAA!!!!

new, labor government!
old nasty cruel ruined desperate harmful government with THAT MAN (who may be a wonderful parent, but he wasn't hired for that) GONE!!!!!!!
might be able to respect my government for awhile - -GASP-!
..........................serene...................
-*a
ps yes, whatever, i know none will be perfect, but i don't care, just as long as the one which has caused me and so many so much pain is gone, with their horrible words that they made me hear over and over again.
*

me and another

Taking advantage of the FEW people who check blogs anymore (facebook is fun, but it is no excuse not to check blogs!!!...although i hadn't checked several for some time before a few minutes ago) i will post about...
relationships.
go on, swap blogs now, this is probably EXACTLY the sort of blog you would rather avoid, yes, i am talking boy-girl relationships which are not limited to friendship.

sigh.

i said i was taking advantage of the ppl who still check, sorry people, it's not your fault, it's just the odd mood i am in, as a result of the chocolate i just finished, the assignment i haven't finished, and the french pop i am listening to.

i just want to express something.
nothing terribly remarkable, and i will take EVERY precaution possible to edit out mush.

first, i must say, they take work like you never see in disney movies. they take real work and sacrifice and ...giving up of things. i know you know this, but this is me expressing, not educating. but i just find it odd that in a relationship of this category i have to confront so many things about myself i somehow never came across in my other relationships.
or perhaps, not to this degree. some things about myself (selfishness, manipulation, self-righteousness, grudging, vengefulness) have shown themselves to a degree, esp when i was little, and no doubt some of my friends have some idea of them.

but i am older now and spend much less time with my family than i did when i was 10, and now it is surprising to come face-to-face with yourself, or yourself reflected in someone else's eyes.
not that tom tells me things about myself the whole time, along with my other brothers in Christ he supports me and rebukes me, but it's when i see the results of my less godly actions, that confrontation of self and selfishness happen. my friends see my actions, but i think we make more of an effort with friends than people that are around the way a boyfriend might be. and what is more, a friend will not have quite the same reactions a...(insert appropriate noun here) might - if i'm being stupid and unkind, friends will see, be sad, but live on. tom of course will live on, but i could hurt him in a way that hurts me very much.

there is no requisite here to make sense.

another thing that is making its impression in my head is how emotions are made into idols in the world, in relationships, and yet so often they are what needs to be cast off. i am so often subject to wanting to be angry, wanting to be all...clingy, and in my head it makes sense, i can perfectly reason it out, but i know it to be selfishness, not allowing into my heart the knowledge that being right or being angry does not mean you have the solution, or deserve to be obeyed, and that feeling clingy doesn't mean you own someone, that you have God, who is yours, and you are His, and anyone else is not yours, and you cannot make them so.

don't freak out, i'm not talking about stuff i need to work through with tom, i'm just thinking electronically.

in short, the world doesn't have a clue what love looks like. the ultimate expression of love was someone DYING and giving, not someone recieving chocolate, jewellery, or having someone else follow them around doing whatever they say.

and it can be hard when the world TRAINS you to act how it wants you to. TRAINS you to try and take whatever you can, and not let go, except to take more.

yeah. one thing i am learning is to give up what i want for a person, for what they want. it's easier with Jesus (though not 'easy' in itself) because He is perfect and i can trust Him...mostly, and i know that He has a plan which is perfect, and He is in control. but giving up things for another, imperfect person, who might not deserve it, who might not be stunning like in the movies, who might be as real and flawed and annoying as me, who is as lost as me?
dude. not easy.
but an important step is, to paraphrase tom (who i'm pretty sure was paraphrasing God) to remember that we are all sinful, and are all forgiven before God.
deep, man. deep.
xa

Actually, ew, no, THIS is how i look:

Ok, i have TOTALLY done my homework already. Kinda

Free California Dating

eheheheheh.

I Scored a 100%!

Meet California Singles

ohohohohohoh

so how's it going?
i would like to register my annoyance at trilogies where the first story ends properly, and the second simply ends with '....yeah, read the next book, i couldn't be stuffed writing THREE endings!!!'
gah.
annoying, especially when you really really really wanted an ending...and a good one.

i had a party.

i am now very rich and much prettier.

heheheh.

i look like this



Kidding!


ttfn.

Can I be forgiven?

I have joined facebook...

100....?

According to the system, this is my 100th post.
feels like my 1000th.
anyway,
it is me, again, speaking, and so on.


the photo makes me laugh, and so shall it make you laugh.
sigh...sad state of affairs when what looks like tom's murderous tendancies are all that can amuse me.
like today - brett was ranting, and i felt so much better once he had.
OH! OH!
AWKWARD TURTLE!!!!
made with turtle hand gesture. go forth and spread it - i love the awkward turtle!

and the moon turned a different colour. big whoop (LOL AHHH...MAKING PEOPLE ANGRY.... :D)
i think i need more hugs. i hereby give my decree that i need more hugs.
probably from girls tho...guy hugs are too political (heeehee, follow that line of thought!)
anyone got any good ideas for a memory verse youth group game? - high school ag, i know, its old for a memory verse, but it's worked well so far.

danke shön,
her imperial majesty, alison janet

this is Rory, the Royal Persian Angora Chinchilla. How cute is he?!

MYC HIGH-FIVE!!!

teeheehee, aren't we beautiful people...
oh shut up - you smell.
lol. It rocked, it went too fast, and it encouraged me a great deal, as well as providing me with even MORE friends!!!!
love it.
-a

Dizzy

I have the flu. I hate the flu. Everything looks like this, and i'm too heavy, and i'm overheated, and i can't breathe through my throat, and my stomach likes to keep me guessing - does it hurt because i only ate a little, or does it hurt because i ate?
not to mention the immense amount of frustration i get from...everything.
gggrrr.
a.

TOM POSTED ON HIS BLOG!

Seriously. That's all i'm here to say.
Oh, and i'm feeling a lot better, i've been better informed about degree stuff, and i had my last ever french exam today, and it wasn't a total catastrophe.
See, i even found you all a calming soothing picture to show you how calm and soothed i am!
Hugs for all, sparkle*

OOOOOooooooo.....That was not pleasant

Look in the eyes. It's the same expression...
I became properly angry a few minutes ago, and did not enjoy it, i hated it, so much so that i became angrier.
It is of no consequence why i became angry, suffice to say that it was degree-related, but i think it is interesting that the sensation was so abhorrent and so violent, and i was quite surprised by it.
I realise that i am not typically an angry person. Passionate, yes, vocal - with a vengeance! But not angry - i was unable to think to myself that the situation had other layers, that there were reasons behind people's actions, that i should consider the possibility that an individual might be having problems - my mind would have none of it, i was furious at what had happened.

I really don't like that feeling. I can't think properly when it happens, and i can't do anything either. All i do while it remains is stand still, while a battle goes on within me to either poisonously curse those involved, and hold the furious heat close to me, or to let the feelings ebb and push them away.

I feel better at the moment, i am calm again, but it shook me up.
geh.

Oh no you DIDN'T!

WHAT IS GOING ON?????
School of Education ppl at uni have COMPLETELY ALTERED REQUISITES FOR MY COURSE!
A MASSIVE amount of my units may have been rendered useless because someone doesn't want them to count!
YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO SOMEONE MID-DEGREE! I'M GOING TO BE AT UNI FOREVER!

ooooooooooooohhhh striking wrath of alison will be outpoured.
unless of course they say my french units count. then i'll only have to redo maths. which is still nasty, but not as bad as 2 1/2 yrs of my life going up in smoke. just maths is better. Plus today is 25 months with Tom.

Sigh...

Ok. I KNOW this is the way i sometimes portray/present myself (BTW how cool is this dragon!) but BE IT KNOWN to the blogging community, i am actually trying to calm myself down and be a little more...helpful.
I am trying not to rise to the bait anymore, trying not to dominate conversations anymore, trying not to be unhelpfully obnoxious anymore, and trying not to hit anyone anymore.

it is only now that i realise how well i am known for these things, and that makes me really sad.
Most of them are self-explanatory, i spose my cheekiness is one that isn't obvious, but i know that it is unhelpful and unkind, springing from a self-satisfaction i have nurtured and am appalled by.
At this stage I have managed a couple of not-rising-to-the-bait reaction, though i know i failed to do so at least 3 times today, i attempted not to dominate conversation at GAP today, and at Bible study tonight i suceeded - but that was made easy...we were told we had to run through our study quickly to do other church business, a friend warned me that meant i wouldn't be able to talk, and i was so ashamed i didnt speak for a long while.
Being obnoxious is easy, and i haven't managed to avoid that properly. Not hitting anyone...mainly, well, completely, i mean not hitting Tom, nor tickling him. i do that sometimes to make him do what i want. LOL. mainly tickling. i sometimes hit him on the hand if he says something to make me react. this is a cycle i have instigated by reacting.
i have tried not to respond in this way when he's being silly, so far ok, and i have only tickled him once recently, and not upsetting him nor manipulating him. so that's good.

i know it sounds like i'm upset that people won't let me talk, so i won't talk at all, so there!but i have seen negative effects of this behaviour. not much, but enough to make me realise that it actually ISN'T just a fun part of my character, it's an outworking of my own ego. and i cannot stand it. it's disgusting - which sounds like i'm so good for rejecting it - but it is part of ME! i have held onto it, thinking i was clever and funny and right where others were wrong.
it left so little room for respect, love and concern for others. it's got to go, God has shown me that, but as you have seen, it's not a fast process.
i know it sounds extreme, silence is involved in a lot of this process, but it's not believing that my opinion and thoughts don't deserve ANY airtime, it's just that it'll be good for me. i need a clear line to stick to - once i know how to shut up, and am capable of it, i'll be able to speak more wisely.
Obviously i won't be silent all the time coz i do lead a couple of things, but in general, and esp at meetings.

This behaviour isn't self-controlled, nor gentle, nor peaceful, nor patient, nor loving....it has no part with the Spirit in me changing me. i know i won't be able to make myself perfect, that i will not be perfect before the New Creation, but i do know that God changes us, and this is the next thing for me.
Please pray for me and challenge me about how it's going, and at times if i say inappropriate things, let me know.
love, sparkle.

Tee hee, Tom is lovely

2 years. :D

Hurrah! and hmmmm.....

I am halfway thru a great prac. All the teaching stuff we've been told for the past 2 years actually works!
WHO KNEW?!

AND i got my green p's this afternoon...
and i bought shoes that i found out were $20 off as they were scanned.

ummmmmmmm....
and monday is mystery night...can anyone tell me anything good that's in Wynyard?! i must discover this before Tom reveals it! i gotta know!

Sigh. friday nights aren't too cool. i work early tomorrow morning and everyone goes out so i'm alone.
SIGH!

hmmmmmmm...Equip on the 12th of may. Something else on the twelfth of may. yay for something. something is cool. something seemed unlikely, but something will arrive and will be, as usual, very happy.
(believe me, it would be more annoying if i just said it. there was a disturbing photo of me appearing to eat his ear at manda's party in em's photos)

MYC is coming up! Can i hear it for MYC????????
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

might not get any sleep this time. last year i kept going to bed at only late hours. missed all the fun. know better now.

hmmmmmm....lil quiet. lil bored. lil glad prac is over soon, i miss seeing people at uni. people are nice.

night people. take care of your pets.
God loves you :D

Or, to save on postage...

Sigh...i love emperor's new groove so very very much.
today has been very littl..ly interesting...i just sit around the house and pretend to study...i have only two assignments, which is indeed a blessing, and they are...doable. Finding the motivation to stop filling in the edges of research and WRITE SOMETHING DOWN is very like finding the motivation to get up in the morning i.e. it does not exist.

Tom's at work. Poor Tom (no one else gets the thrill of saying that about a real person, when it's also a line from Shakespeare do they. Kate? Kathy? Anybody???)
but he doesn't mind work that much. He's going to call me later on...and i'm going to say its ABC NIGHT! ill call you back!!!
...hmmmm

Is anyone else going to Kyckstart? i'm being a leader - is anyone else being a leader and going this weekend? anyone? at all?

dyed my hair black again. still looks...black. looks a teeny bit wrong. DAMN YOU NICE'N EASY!!!
tho, to be honest, it was rather nice...n' easy. And it'll look convincingly anime. anime characters' hair never looks believable, so this is good.

AND, unsurprisingly, the story i've started writing is going along swimmingly! i'm using it as a study break activity. no prizes for guessing what's flourishing and what's dying. i'm already up to 5 pages!!!
no, you can't read it. it's MINE. my precious.

My room is also still clean. the phenomena are following me around!!

uuuuuuuuummmm...ill go get my quotes.
(near Easter[HAPPY EASTER!] - everyone else is having cake)
me:is everyone too caked up to have hot cross buns?
mum:yes - we'll have them tomorrow
me:what about me?
mum:alright, you can have one...of the crushed ones.

afro-ben: It's always safe to give chocolates to a girl - unless she's lactose-intolerant
me:or allergic to nuts
katherine: yeah, coz then she might die.
a-ben:and that'd be embarrassing

robbo:(near a full bag)whose bag - who shops at jeans west?
jenny: they're science textbooks, don't step on them, or ill hit them...with...you

mel:i dont want to go to the cafe!it stinks!
me:stinks like happiness!
mark: mmm...smells like teen spirit [BONUS POINT!!]
on that happy note, night!spicksnspecks is on!
love, me

I'll turn him into a flea! A harmless little flea...

Reading of the day - 2 Peter 1:4-8...add to your faith goodness; and to goodness , knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control; perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now i KNOW that it's way overquoted and that being glib is easy, but i copied it out for two reasons
a) read the wider bit. it's cool and important.
b) it portrays this whole journey! now this isn't like, the only way to see it, but something cool is that you have faith, then you add goodness, and desire good things, then you desire to know more about God with knowledge, but then instead of being all boastful of how much you know, you are humble and self-controlled about what you say, then you persevere in this, instead of being depressed by our nature to boast, then we pursue godliness as we seek to be like Him, then instead of being isolated from others, we reach out to them in brotherly kindness, and with this increased regard and care we serve others truly, thus loving them!
yay!
hey, i got excited.
OW!SNEEZING IS NOW PAINFUL!!! i got involved in a it's-earth-hour-how-do-we-kill-an-hour madness, and was in a push-ups competition. REAL PUSH-UPS. I DID MANY. NOW I HURT. ppl at work made me laugh, and were thus unkind.
Maybe i should change my butterfly fairy picture to something else, as my hair is now by no stretch of the imagination golden.

ok, the following spiel is probably directed more at the guys i know. or maybe more for their benefit. or just....i don't know. it's silly anyway coz few guys read this blog. to the others not concerned, please just keep what is said in mind. Tom would ask why i care about things that are said sometimes, when they are usually jokes, and even if not, why do i care what people think?
i care what people think. specific people. specific people whose opinions matter to me because they are my friends.
Despite people's impressions (and perhaps my own silliness), people do seem to think I am a witch. Which is to say, i am aware that i seem agressive and rise to the bait OFTEN (even when not baited), but i am getting a little fragile when it is insinuated that i have Tom whipped. even my sister thinks that, though she just thinks that coz she doesn't know how i'm different being 20, not 10. When i was 10 i was very manipulative.
But i would like to think that many of my friendships now are not based on manipulation, that in fact i have many friends who care about me, and know i care about them. that i am somewhat giving, and sympathetic, and that i try to help and listen to others. the operative word being TRY.
By extension, i think i am a similarly caring girlfriend. thus i am no tyrant, i DO NOT BEAT TOM UP, and that i do not think women=good men=bad.
in fact several times i have found myself unable to cope and my head in stupidland, and Tom has been there to pull me through and take the initiative, and lead me.
yeah, you heard me. Lead me. NO , i am not getting ready to pounce for marriage, NO i am not acting married, NO i am not making any sort of value statement as reagrds women and men in society...i don't think i'd be taken seriously in what i say.
Tom is often the strong one. i am blessed with him. i wish people would stop insinuating that i am heartless, cruel, hate him, and push him around...
i actually think he's the most wonderful boy...and i try to take such good care of him...
and i'm not angry and i know i should just laugh at the joke as it was meant but it hurts so much after a while, at some point, when it's such an in-joke, i start to take it seriously and get really worried about how i treat Tom. then i retreat into myself and am scared to do anything coz someone might say something.
Please, please stop saying i control him. please stop saying i beat him. please stop saying i dont listen to him and am cruel and heartless...it's not funny. it's really not funny.

Work was ok today, as i finally went in the right frame of mind, not leaning on my own capacity but trusting in God to sustain me. that doesn't mean that i didn't eat or anything, that would be contrary to the Bible making very clear that the eating process is important, but i didn't depend on myself to survive mentally, and cleared out a lot of the junk going on in my head. some weird stuff is seen at the shops, and sometimes i almost feel judgmental of the people i see, as though i were above them...as though i alone understood the right way to handle life...
But my vision is just as flawed, my heart just as prone to evil, my mind just as warped. Now i can see that better and love people better.

I know how to change a tyre!! i feel such a sense of increased safety on the road...though actually i never had a sense of danger...but no matter, it was a mystery before, but now i am FEARLESS!
till something else goes wrong.

AND i finished an assignment due THURSDAY!record for my uni life! don't worry, i still have 2 french compositions to do.
but i am a little cool.
love from nana

DON'T TELL TOM!!

I am a very naughty girl eating very naughty snacks and drinking very naughty milo...
coz i should be in bed.
But i'm not, so let's get over that.
Yes, i'm procrastinating and at the very least i should be working on my TEP290 presentation, but as i said, i'm not, get over it :P

I HAVE QUOTES!!!
Ignition -
Roxy: in case you were wondering, i value my life

James: i knew a pair of twins, one was left-handed and one was right-handed
Doug: were they naked?
(he had some form of a legitimate reason for asking that)

Me: yeah, coz nothing says fun like quoits!
Pete:except for a person...standing there...saying 'fun'

Tutor(today, during a presentation): come on, hurry up...no, the cockroach, not you.

GAH. i have assignments everywhere. and Tom's birthday is on SATURDAY - HE'LL BE 20!!
crazy, Tom no longer a teenager....

and i haven't finished working on his present.
Come to think of it, i haven't finished ANYTHING cept the assessment for today...and girls bible study...

Sigh.

Who likes my hair? i quite like it actually, gives me more OOMPH!
and as anyone will tell you, a lady could always use more oomph.

night people, sleep tight, hope we're all well, yay HOLIDAYS SOON!!!
x nana
p.s. Tom is so wonderful, he drove me to uni, he stayed around after he was finished, bought me dinner and drove me home!
AND he didn't even freak out when i had a panic attack bout my phone!
BACK OFF LADIES - i saw him first.
well, sorta.
but he's mine now mwahahahahahahahaha!!!