Sigh...mixed emotions suck

yay, posting from the mije in paris!
ok, there is no way i can sum up everything that has happened in the past month and a half, it's impossible, so much has happened, ive seen so many english...things, spent an awesome Christmas with family ive never met before, had a new years eve that was...well, part of it was great, and part of it id prefer not to recall.
australia day where i am...the others have gone to an australian pub.
i can hear the howls. why am i not with them?
a)its 10 past eleven, and im tired
b)im desperately trying to throw this cold before i get home
c) i have nothing good/pretty to wear, its all skivvies, jeans and ugly yet practical boots, wearing anything more festive would strengthen this cold tenfold( i have like,ONE nice outfit, which im saving for tuesday)
d)im trying to save the money i have left, id prefer not to throw it away on overpriced alcool(everything here is overpriced)
e)id get way too paranoid about security and would try to take care of whatever posessions i take with me, and wouldnt have fun.
f)id be the only one not comfortably tipsy/drunk, and that is rarely ever amusing.

SO IM NOT GOING OUT.
i didnt think id be sad to leave...well, not very sad. but now i can feel the cracks as everyone organises to be able to catch their planes, and i feel sad coz ill miss all these ppl ive spent this month with, theyre all lovely.
and my french is like the bomb now...i mean, never perfect, but who cares!even french people make mistakes, so thats not so serious,and i basically get the hang of whats going on. i wouldnt work in a francophone job, but apart from that, im very comfortable.

but i have to come home. i have to have to have to have to have to have to come home.
i havent been to church this month, which obviously has left a mark, have managed to read Bible and pray...fairly often, when you dont for a few days you realise as soon as you start again why you need to. somehow reading the Bible has the added effect of making me forget all the little things that get to me, all the worries about myself, all my vanity and selfishness, all the things i waste time thinking about just vanish and its such a relief. we praise God everyday, He is good everyday.

and ive missed tom so much...by now it's like i can barely remember some things, but i remember that i forgot them, and that hurts so much more. if i ever come back here, he's coming with me.

I MISS SUMMER.GAH how i miss summer!!!!it was below 4 yesterday...today it wasnt so bad coz i didnt go out much, but there is a reason we're all sick!!
I MISS WARMTH.
and i hate layering up clothes so much. i also hate my coat. it makes me look like a marshmallow, and while it keeps me warm, i do not enjoy permanently looking like a marshmallow.

and i miss my family and everybody.

i get tired a lot here too. the sun isnt up properly until 8-9ish in the morning,and it goes down at 5, so you live it the dark, and it makes me sleepy. getting up is so difficult.

but this was great. specially staying with host families(familles d'accueille...pronounced fam-ie da-kay-ie) who were LOVELY to me,who spoke such little english that i just had to get by, and i did, and they were always there to help...

in short, i was really glad to be here, but im really glad to be going home day after tomorrow...and the next day...and the next day.

damn flights. plz pray for me on the planes. PLZ pray for the ppl on this thing, that they might know Christ...some of them are looking for Him, some aren't, but they all need Him desperately. as we all do.

i miss you all.DOES ANYONE WANT A KEYRING???NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK!!!
of course, would look out for the 'my friend went to france and all i got was this lousy keyring' but i dont think they have them.quel dommage.
YES, there will be more french on this blog from now on. partly coz its in my head and makes up part of my thoughts, like a mechanical arm.
mainly coz itll drive Tom bananas.

miss you all. take care of yourselves, and look both ways crossing the road.
a bientot, hopefully.
Sparkle*
p.s. quotable quotes coming soon!!