Reading of the day - 2 Peter 1:4-8...add to your faith goodness; and to goodness , knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control; perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Now i KNOW that it's way overquoted and that being glib is easy, but i copied it out for two reasons
a) read the wider bit. it's cool and important.
b) it portrays this whole journey! now this isn't like, the only way to see it, but something cool is that you have faith, then you add goodness, and desire good things, then you desire to know more about God with knowledge, but then instead of being all boastful of how much you know, you are humble and self-controlled about what you say, then you persevere in this, instead of being depressed by our nature to boast, then we pursue godliness as we seek to be like Him, then instead of being isolated from others, we reach out to them in brotherly kindness, and with this increased regard and care we serve others truly, thus loving them!
yay!
hey, i got excited.
OW!SNEEZING IS NOW PAINFUL!!! i got involved in a it's-earth-hour-how-do-we-kill-an-hour madness, and was in a push-ups competition. REAL PUSH-UPS. I DID MANY. NOW I HURT. ppl at work made me laugh, and were thus unkind.
Maybe i should change my butterfly fairy picture to something else, as my hair is now by no stretch of the imagination golden.
ok, the following spiel is probably directed more at the guys i know. or maybe more for their benefit. or just....i don't know. it's silly anyway coz few guys read this blog. to the others not concerned, please just keep what is said in mind. Tom would ask why i care about things that are said sometimes, when they are usually jokes, and even if not, why do i care what people think?
i care what people think. specific people. specific people whose opinions matter to me because they are my friends.
Despite people's impressions (and perhaps my own silliness), people do seem to think I am a witch. Which is to say, i am aware that i seem agressive and rise to the bait OFTEN (even when not baited), but i am getting a little fragile when it is insinuated that i have Tom whipped. even my sister thinks that, though she just thinks that coz she doesn't know how i'm different being 20, not 10. When i was 10 i was very manipulative.
But i would like to think that many of my friendships now are not based on manipulation, that in fact i have many friends who care about me, and know i care about them. that i am somewhat giving, and sympathetic, and that i try to help and listen to others. the operative word being TRY.
By extension, i think i am a similarly caring girlfriend. thus i am no tyrant, i DO NOT BEAT TOM UP, and that i do not think women=good men=bad.
in fact several times i have found myself unable to cope and my head in stupidland, and Tom has been there to pull me through and take the initiative, and lead me.
yeah, you heard me. Lead me. NO , i am not getting ready to pounce for marriage, NO i am not acting married, NO i am not making any sort of value statement as reagrds women and men in society...i don't think i'd be taken seriously in what i say.
Tom is often the strong one. i am blessed with him. i wish people would stop insinuating that i am heartless, cruel, hate him, and push him around...
i actually think he's the most wonderful boy...and i try to take such good care of him...
and i'm not angry and i know i should just laugh at the joke as it was meant but it hurts so much after a while, at some point, when it's such an in-joke, i start to take it seriously and get really worried about how i treat Tom. then i retreat into myself and am scared to do anything coz someone might say something.
Please, please stop saying i control him. please stop saying i beat him. please stop saying i dont listen to him and am cruel and heartless...it's not funny. it's really not funny.
Work was ok today, as i finally went in the right frame of mind, not leaning on my own capacity but trusting in God to sustain me. that doesn't mean that i didn't eat or anything, that would be contrary to the Bible making very clear that the eating process is important, but i didn't depend on myself to survive mentally, and cleared out a lot of the junk going on in my head. some weird stuff is seen at the shops, and sometimes i almost feel judgmental of the people i see, as though i were above them...as though i alone understood the right way to handle life...
But my vision is just as flawed, my heart just as prone to evil, my mind just as warped. Now i can see that better and love people better.
I know how to change a tyre!! i feel such a sense of increased safety on the road...though actually i never had a sense of danger...but no matter, it was a mystery before, but now i am FEARLESS!
till something else goes wrong.
AND i finished an assignment due THURSDAY!record for my uni life! don't worry, i still have 2 french compositions to do.
but i am a little cool.
love from nana
7 comments:
Nana, my darling, he did not mean to hurt you in saying that. None of them do. They think it's fun to do because they can see how much you and Tom love one another, and how much you mean to each other, and so can not imagine that you'd take it seriously. If they knew it hurt you they'd feel terrible. None of them think you are a witch or horrible by any stretch of the imagination.
I'll talk to him about it if you'd like me to and you don't feel you can, because he doesn't read blogs. But if you have a problem with it the best thing is probably to talk to him yourself - he is a lovely boy, really, but doesn't understand that what he has said has hurt you I feel very cryptic at this point, but like Galadriel and Frodo, 'you know of whom I speak'.
Keep on smiling, my lovely Nana - we love you just as you are.
no, it's no one guy over any other. they're all great people and really cool. that's why i get worried and sad. none of them are on their own truly mean.
but yay for Em, she is lovely!
Don't feel worried or sad - as I said today, they only do it because they can see clearly that you are not like that at all. So, as Tom says, try not to let it get to you!!
And what else are friends for, o-partner-in-small-group-related-crime?? :-P
OH MY GOODNESS. You're a BRUNETTE!
After all these years my fantastically dazzling brilliant looks have rubbed off on you! Huzzah! hehe. lookin good...except for the pale flashback on the skin..hmmm.
NOW: What is this about someone saying you are a witch? that's nonsence! and if he says it again i'll lend you my large size cauldr..err i mean umm...:-P Yeah u can be a bitch at times, but hey, show me a woman who cant lol. and u are the sort of person who wants friends that like you for you, not coz u bullied them into it. Although...Not knowing anything about what was said this is pretty general advice! Bottom line? You are always there when it counts, and those who know you know that. so stuff everyone else :-). Remember, if all else fails, i'm sure i have some spare eye of newt! Your sister in CRIME! Kathy ;-)
Ali, it's obvious that you love Tom, and you do take care of him...sweeeeeet! We all love you, Nana!
When men look at a relationship where the woman is not subdued and subservient, it reminds us all of the reality of the relationships we will have in the future. We all have a shop window wife in our head, someone who looks great but does not have any ability to influence our lives. The reality of the matter is that (and we all know it to be the truth) our wives will be living people who will relate to us and have opinions in how we should live our lives. This brutal reality shock is given whenever we see you and Tom in a real and beautiful relationship. A common response when faced with an unfortunate reality is to joke about it and try to fool ourselves that Tom is getting a raw deal and ours will be better.
In truth, there is nothing more a guy could want than to have you as a friend. Tom is very lucky that you are even more than best friends.
I am sorry for my attitude, thankyou for drawing attention to it and I will make a thorough effort to add self-control to my newly added knowledge. May God help me to be good.
Your Brother,
Ben.
thanks Ben, that really means a lot to me :D
-a
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